It’s been a year since you left. Life has never been the same and never ever will be the same. God knows how much I miss you. I still wake up in the morning thinking this is a nightmare and you’re not really gone - that one day I will be able to see, hear and hug you.

A year passed yet I still can’t take a look at any of your pictures for more than 5 seconds because I’m sure tears will never stop falling. (like now!)

I still remember the very last moment I saw you. We were talking about happy memories of that time and one moment your oxygen level went down, you can’t breathe. The way you look at me/us, you were like saying “help, save me”. You're starting to cry, us too. Doctors rushed, revived you several times, injected you with a lot of medicine for you to respond. I begged and kneeled to the doctor to please save you, revive you again but your body is not responding. At that very moment, I felt that my world shut down - that my life shut down.

You broke me into pieces. I felt like the world was against me, even God. Because I lost you - I lost the most important person who keeps me going and inspired by what I am doing. I can’t see any purpose when I lost you. You are the reason behind this success. Not seeing you, not seeing how you are proud of me, make it all feels nonsense.

While I do not clearly understand God’s reason, I have to trust Him. I know that’s what you want me to do – to not lose faith. I know you are happy now, pain-free and I know you are one of the reasons behind these blessings we are receiving - I know you are guiding us.

Living without you will always be painful and difficult but I will always try to live the life you would be proud of. You will stay forever in my heart.

Loving you always,

K